My Life ft. My Stupidity

I came to college expecting so much, and I am still expecting so much. I am expecting God to move powerfully. This first week, however, was like fighting Goliath. On Thursday, last week, classes began, and my thought was, “What could possibly happen in the first week?” Let me tell you, apparently everything can happen in the first week. It was like a silver platter full rotten food was handed to me, and I had a choice to eat the rotten meat and bug infested fruit or I could staple a return to sender, and go eat at SAGA (the cafeteria here on campus, which probably isn’t much better.) I’ll be honest, I took a bite from a few of the apples given to me.

Just within the first week I have found myself resisting God. Pray? No. Read the Bible? No. Worship? No. I want to sit here in anger, and do things my way. I don’t want to reach expectations. I don’t like being told what to do. “God, why don’t you just sit on the sidelines? I’ll take care of this. I can do it so much better.” Okay, stop laughing at me. I know what I did wrong, but my story isn’t over. So, when everything goes kaput after I take control, I throw my hands up and say, “What the heck, God!” All I get is the same response. “Yeah, what the heck Elizabeth?” Alright, fair point. Everyday I try to bring my own plans for my future to fruition, I fail. Let’s be real. I woke up on Monday and said, “Yes, today is going to be a good day.” And like a friend of mine said, it was like a narrator was right behind me saying, “Today was not going to be a good day,” in that deep, slow, ominous, somewhat comedic voice. (That was a rotten apple with several worms.)

Why am I so afraid of admitting that I can’t do something and allowing God to have the first and final say about things? Why am I so afraid of surrenduring and relinquishing control when I know how good and great God is? Well, I think this comes down to the fact that I’m afraid of admitting my feelings to myself, anyone, and God. Being honest is a hard thing for me to do when it comes to confessing how I really feel.

“Okay, Elizabeth. Wow. Take a deep breath.” 

Yeah. It’s a lot. Despite all of that though, I do trust in God’s goodness. I know that despite everything I am feeling, I will see the goodness of the Lord.

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭27:13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

And despite all of the things that have happened in the first week, there were a lot of good moments too. Thursday night was campus worship, I did something Friday night (not that I remember), and Saturday night was Partiestival which was a blast. Sunday I went to the Aquarium. It was my first time there. I really enjoyed it! I took pictures of all the fish and put it on SnapChat. Monday is not worth recounting. Most of the week is not worth recounting. Thursday night was interesting. Roommate and I were up until 3 in the morning praying and witnessing to each other. Friday night I saw the movie “Dirty Dancing” for the first time. I fell in love with it! I love watching dance movies or musicals. Saturday I spent all day with a friend of mine whom we will call Charlie (Female). Sunday I didn’t do much accept study for ages and get all my homework done. And now here we are: the beginning of week two of classes. I am trusting this week to be a hundred times better. There has been a lot of self discovery in the past week. I’m still thinking about a lot of it, and trying to journal about it.

“Wow. You’re busy. When do you have time for anything?”

Good question. I’m not sure. Because of how stressful the first week was, I’ve already gone crying to my chaplain. (Let’s be real, I didn’t cry.) Chaplain told me that I need to find time to rest and relax. This week I plan on finding time to read and to perhaps watch an episode of T.V. on occasion. Because I am so busy and can barely find time to relax, I am scheduling posts to be posted without me having to write everyday. I can just do it all of my writing at once. Some of the the things coming up are “Quick Tips” about writing by the one and only Professor Gogan. “Quick Tips” will be posted every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I am on the search for quotes that I think say a lot, and those will go up on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I thought all of you would like those. I will have a few short stories coming soon, and I will continue to do updates on my life, but that might only be once a week now. 

I think that’s about it. This semester I have 18 credit hours. I’m in two language classes (Chinese 301 and Spanish 101), assisting in one (Chinese 101), and showing up for another just because I can (Chinese 201). I love all of my classes this semester. I’m happy I am given the opportunity to get into the swing of things before I start my work study. (I think I’ll have about ten hours of work mixed in between my classes.)

Okay. That’s all. I’ve given you an semi-clear update of the past week. 

我爱你!加油!再见!Fighting! Good luck! I love you guys! 

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Probably a challenge, but also just something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

Everything is a choice.

Waiting for a writing idea to come to me, is a choice. Getting up and writing because I need to whether I feel like it or not, is a choice. Procrastinating is a choice. Getting up at five a.m. four days of the week to go to the gym is a choice. Going to the gym a second time with Mom is a choice. Going to the gym a third time with Little Sister is a choice. Finally getting all the Chinese flash cards done is a choice. Binge watching the next K-Drama is a choice. Following the guidance of the Holy Spirit is a choice.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

~ Newton’s third law

Being happy is a choice. Being angry is a choice. Sin is a choice. Doing a devotion every morning is a choice. Buying that dress that’s on clearance at Burlington is a choice. Saving money is a choice. Prayer is a choice. Cleaning up the bedroom is a choice. Following a strict Korean skin care regimen every single day is a choice. Brushing your teeth is a choice.

Everything we do produces a consequence; good or bad.

  • Choosing to be happy make a person happy.
  • Choosing to be angry makes a person angry.
  • Choosing to sin makes a person feel guilty and full of shame; on the other end, it makes a person feel prideful and defensive.
  • Buying that dress is gonna make a person look hella fly, but they’ll also have less money than they did before.
  • Saving money means they have room for emergencies and mistakes, but they also have a bit more money for a few more dresses.
  • Prayer activates the power of the living God and is a straight line to talking with the creator. It makes a person feel more at peace and trustworthy toward God.
  • Cleaning the bedroom generally means a person won’t trip in the middle of the night on his way to the bathroom.
  • Korean Skin care means perfect, white, creamy skin. No more pimples. EVER.
  • Brushing your teeth every day means having pearly white teeth and no more bad breath.

“Har har. This is great Elizabeth, but this is obvious.”

Sure, but how many of us actually think about the consequences of everything we do, whether it is a daily routine or a one time task? Everything–EVERYTHING–produces something.

I am a full believer in “Your words make your world.” I am also a full believer in “Actions are louder than words.”

What are you saying? What are you doing? What are you choosing?

Let’s just say life doesn’t exist.

“Elizabeth. What the heck? You’re horrible at updating. What’s going on?”

Absolutely nothing is going on. That’s what. My life is one of the most boring thing ever. That and I’m lazy, and I really hate coming up with titles for these things.

You want to know what’s going on in my life?

I’m binge watching “Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo.” I got an iPhone 7 today. I downloaded so many language apps and (unashamedly) all the games I’ve been dying to play. I’m dealing with stupid emotions. I got a new dress which I’m in love with. Aaaand yeah. That’s literally all that’s happened since firework season ended.

BOOOORING.

However, tomorrow I get a new book. It’s my super belated birthday gift.

“Elizabeth, did you finish “Whispers of the Fallen” yet?”

…….nooooooo….. BUT this is a book of poems so it’s okay. I’ve been dying to get this book. I’m hoping it’s still on the shelves in Barns N Noble. I can’t remember what it’s called, but I’ll recognize it when I see it. I’ll show it to you all tomorrow.

MMmmm, yeah. That’s all I have to say. See nothing.

Next week, be prepared for me to be speaking fluently in Spanish and Chinese.

“Fluently?”

Well, maybe not fluently, but I’ll certainly have words memorized. Hehe.

Speaking of languages, the other day I rewatched the first episode of “My Amazing Boyfriend” without subtitles. (It’s a Chinese Drama.) I didn’t understand half the words they were saying, but I did pick up on some words. I’ll continue watching it without subtitles. Now I need to find a Spanish drama to watch. There are a few on Netflix I can choose from. Any suggestions?

Okay. That’s it. Bye bye! 再见!

Q&A because it’s easy.

“Dude. Have you read your blog posts? The Grammar sucks.” Unfortunately, I know. I read some of them a few days ago and wanted to shoot myself.

“Do you even reread them?” Would you believe me if I said, yes?

“Have you been working?” At the firework stand.

“No, like have you been writing?” Ha! I wish. I’ve been working at the firework stand everyday from 11a.m. to 9p.m.

“How long will this last?” I will be working at the fire work stand until July 5th.

“Everyday?” I’m hoping to get Monday off. If not the whole day then part of the day.

“What do you do there?” Sell fireworks. Also I read a lot.

“What do you read?” Look at my book reviews.

OH! You know what I should do? I should create a TBR (To Be Read) List. Once I organize my bookshelves I’ll do that. Perhaps that’s something I can do Monday. Ooh. Now I’m excited.

Speaking of books, I have a wonderful announcement coming soon next week. No, I haven’t written my book. I’ve hardly written anything. (That is so sad. I really need to work on that.) Whatever this announcement is, I’m excited about it, and it’s hard for me to contain.

*** I really can’t focus on this. It’s taken me an two to write this much.  I keep getting distracted by the T.V. One Tree Hill with Dad.

I’m still looking for stuff to motivate me in Chinese. If ya’all have any language learning tips, let me know! I’m always trying to find more. I’m reading Cheese in the Trap (Webtoon) and a few of those inspired me. (I’m actually really wondering why I never read it earlier.) Seriously though guys, help me. Motivation. Inspiration. I need it all.

么么哒!加油!(I say this as much to myself as I do toward you.)