End of Summer pt. 2

I’m not gonna lie. I began the summer stressed out expecting terrible things to happen. I had a very limited perspective and low expectations for a happy summer. Because of this, all I saw were negative things and was constantly snippy. I acted immature and irrational about a lot of things. Sometimes these emotions were outwardly expressed and sometimes I just wrote about them in my journal. My summer could have been twenty times better if I didn’t limit myself by my expectations. 

Limited expectations creates a limited experience. I am so thankful my God goes above and beyond all things I could think of, ask for, or imagine. He is a big God and has big things planned for my life. 

This summer had a strong focus on trust and joy. In my family, Little Sister is known as the optimistic one. I’m a bit more of a pessimist. That perspective of mine was challenged. Tulsa Best Friend encouraged me countless times and Michigan Best Friend tried her hardest to help me view things differently. I am incredibly grateful that I have them by my side both literally and figuratively. 

The joy aspect of my summer really isn’t as abscure as I’m making it sound. I spent three weeks selling fireworks. I was either working with Michigan Best Friend or Mother. While selling fireworks isn’t my preferred job, I did make a lot of money. With that money I bought myself an unnecessary amount of clothes. (My closet is overflowing, and I’ve run out of hangers.) I attended my Soon-to-be Sister’s-in-law bridal shower. I went out to breakfast with Soon-to-be Sister-in-law. I have talked to all of my friends from college this past week. I found out today that the way Roommate and I want to set up our room is going to work out perfectly (even if we do pinch our fingers every time we open the fridge door). Tomorrow, just about all said friends and I will be going to IHOP for dinner. The best part of this summer was the fact that I published a chapbook. Not to mention all of the things God has taught me and is still teaching me. There really is so much to be joyful about.

Being negative–depressed, angry, just down right pessimistic about everything–was so big the first half of this summer. When it hit me that I was participating in gossip, being mad at people, and just thinking things about myself and others that I shouldn’t have, I knew it had to stop. I had to teach myself to think about what I was thinking about and to think about what I was talking about. It was really hard, because I didn’t want to be disrespectful toward people, but I didn’t want to participate in some of the things they were talking about. The conversations seemed harmless, but it was a lot of talking about other people that didn’t lift me up or the person who (whom? I’m hopeless with that word.) was being talked about.

“Above all else, guard you heart, for out of it flow the issues of life.”    ~ Proverbs 4:23

The moment I read this, my perspective shifted and I knew it was more than just taking action and guarding my mind, I had to guard my heart. 

As I began to learn once again how to guard my heart, along with it came learning to honor God. It went from thinking about what I was thinking to, “Do the things I thinking honor the Lord? Do the things I am saying honor the Lord? Do the things I am doing honor the Lord?” 

It was a process, and surprisingly not a very painful one. It just took a lot of patience and close attention on my part.

Going into this semester I want to continue to carry this with me. I want to be happy all the time. I want to be overflowing with joy that it almost annoys people that I’m as happy as I am. (Because some people really do think it’s not possible to be SuPeR dUpEr HaPpY. Well, I’ve got news for them.) I want to continue to be placed in situations where I’m forced to trust God, and I want to be happy doing it. I want to be at a point this semester when I can’t worry. Not that I don’t have time to worry, I just legitamitaly do not know how because I am overflowing with the Joy of the Lord, and I trust that His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts.

End of Summer pt. 1

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If I had to describe summer in one word, it would be trust.

Once again I find myself reminding myself to trust God. The skin on my hands are peeling from being stressed. All of my ‘stuff’ covers the rear window of Mother’s car. Some how we still have to fit three people into the car. There’s still some small stuff that didn’t go in the car. I’m excited and nervous all at once.

I’m excited. I’m going back to college. I get to see all of my best friends. I’ll be living by my rules and not my parents. I can put to the test everything I’ve learned this summer.

I’m nervous. Oh gosh, I’m going back to college. I have to socialize. I have rules? I’m not sure I even knew those existed outside of my parents. I have to put everything to the test that I learned this summer? School hasn’t even started and I’m testing? What if I didn’t learn anything? Oh… what if I forget something and leave it at home? What if I run out of money? What if all my electronics brake? What if….

“Okay, Elizabeth. Breathe. Are you okay?”

Oh sure. I’m fine. Or will be. If I don’t feel ready to leave now, I know when I wake up at four in the morning that God will have done something in my heart, and I’ll be more prepared and ready than I thought I was. I am reminded that I can’t do this by myself. I’ve said it in several previous posts, but where I am weak, God is made strong.

The thing I am most confident in (I really am not sure how much I’m repeating myself here) is the fact that I can’t, but God can. All things are possible with God.

But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.    ~ Matthew 19:26

How relieving is that! When I come to the honest conclusion that I can’t and God can, peace floods in like river and covers every thought.There hasn’t been a time this summer when God failed me. He has never left me. I am looking forward to starting and completing this semester with Him.

 

Home Stretch

I thought about posting on Monday, and I thought about it again on Tuesday, but nothing much had happened, so I thought I would wait until today.

Monday night I had the opportunity of talking to my Tulsa Best Friend for a few hours. We were talking through FaceTime. It was really nice seeing her. I’m glad I’ll be able to see her in person on Monday. Yesterday, I talked to my Male Best Friend for a couple hours on the phone. I miss him so much! I’m glad I get to see him next week too. I’m hoping we can all go out to IHOP on Monday and just hang out with each other. I miss everyone! *Insert like a million cry faces right here.*

This morning Father and I went and watched the movie Atomic Blonde. It was good. It wasn’t what I expected, but I enjoyed it. I was expecting it to be like a female James Bond, and while it had its similarities, it wasn’t anything like James Bond. The last scene had me slightly confused, but it did nothing to affect how much I still like and enjoyed the movie. There was a lot of language and one sex scene, so if you’re not against any of that, I encourage you to go watch it.

That was this morning. This afternoon I did some writing, and then in the evening I started packing. The library is a mess. I have both suitcases opened and an empty crate in there. I haven’t packed anything yet. I’ve been transferring stuff from my room to the library to be packed. On top of that, I haven’t even touched my clothes yet. I put my sweaters in a box, but those are the only clothes I removed from the closet.

Of all the books I moved to the library to pack, only about five of them are fiction. The rest of the books are my journals. Which, believe me, is a lot! I have too many! I know I should leave like one or two of them here at home, but I’m so attached to all of them, and I really don’t want to leave any behind. They’re my babies. (If I could insert emojis here I would. It would be like three laughing cry faces, a cry face, and one more laughing cry face.)

Tomorrow I will attempt more writing and the daunting task of packing my clothes. I’ll have to figure out what Chinese books to take with me, and which ones to leave at home. I need to decide on the pillows I’ll take back to college and there is still so much to do. I leave Sunday, so I have time, but it’s still stressful.

So far that’s all I have to say. I’ll try to update you Friday, and I’ll put up an end of summer post on Saturday. Until then.

Goodbye! 再见!加油!Fighting! Good luck!

 

Success or Fail?

This week was actually really good. I didn’t meet the goals I set…, which is horrible since I go back to college next Sunday. But I did get some writing done. I did do a little bit of reading, but not nearly as much as I should have done. After I’m done writing this, I am going to do some more editing and study some Chinese.

I found this really cool app/website called Coursera. It has a bunch of online courses available to take whenever. There are a ton of categories to choose from, and you can pay for the class or audit it. There is also some financial aid for those who can’t pay for the class.  While auditing is a great option for those who can’t pay, it does mean that there is some course work that can’t be accessed, but I still think it’s really cool. For me, someone who is super busy during the school year (and holds up a facade of business during the summer), the best part is the fact that it’s online. I can take the classes at my own pace, and learn on my time. Since I was homeschooled, I love this type of class/learning setting. It’s very comfortable to me.

It’s crazy that I’m down to my last week of summer before I go back to school, but I think I’m ready. I still feel there are some things that God is teaching me, but I know when the time comes, God will have completed the work He started in me at the beginning of the summer. One of those things, that will probably go with me into the semester, is I want to learn what it means to love God with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my strength.

I want to be able to love God to the fullest. More and more I am learning that it means not focusing on me but on God. It’s hard, but just in the few days that I’ve been quoting Deuteronomy and praying about it, I’ve learned a lot. It’s hard to pray that, then go do something and remind yourself that it’s not for you. Everything should be done all for the glory of God.

I’m loving it though. It’s amazing just how much more joy and love pours out of us for other people as we focus on God. The more of us we give up, the more of us He fills up. I would much rather be filled with God than with myself. I’m flawed and mess things up so many times, but He is perfect. In my weakness He is made strong, and that’s all I want.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  – 2 Corinthians 12:9

If I had to sum up my summer with God (even though I still have a week left) I would use the word trust. All summer God has taught me how much I need to trust in and rely on Him. I can’t do anything without Him, and He is still teaching me that. We’ll see what I have to say about all of this next Saturday. Haha.

Well, like I said, I plan on doing some editing and studying tonight.

再见!加油!Fighting! Good luck! Good bye!

 

**All in all, I think this week was a success.

 

Is it too late to say I procrastinate?

Everyday this week I have thought about writing a post, and then I just didn’t. So here I am apologizing. I am incredibly sorry. *Does a full ninety degree Korean bow.*

I would love to make the excuse that I’ve been busy, but if I say that, then I have to give you proof I’ve been busy when really I was only busy on Tuesday, and even then I could have put up a post.

Tuesday: I went to the beach with some friends and Little Sister. After that, Mother and I took a two and a half hour car ride to a Barnes N Noble to get a book signed.

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While I was only there for about fifteen minutes, I am delighted that I got this signed. I got to meet the amazing author herself. She was a delight, and I’m thankful Mother was willing to drive me.

Yeah, so Tuesday I was awake from five in the morning until probably about midnight. Everyday, after that, what was I doing? I honestly don’t remember.

I’ve been shopping a lot. So much so, I’ve run out of hangers and space in my closet to put clothes. On Thursday, I talked to Tulsa Best Friend for a couple of hours. I’ve been thinking about heading back to college and all the supplies I’m going to need for that.

I honestly, think that’s all I can say right now. I’m still slowly reading books.

Current Reads:

  • I’m about half way through The Whispers of the Fallen.
  • I’m some where on chapter two of Emperor of the Eight Islands.

This week I will definitely finish reading three books, my last freelance project,  and my second Chapbook. These are my goals for this week. I’ll be sure to get them done, and I’ll keep you updated on them.

Alright, that’s all. Now I’m gonna go write that review I promised you.

Fighting! Good luck! 加油!Goodbye! 再见!

Get ready ya’all.

I am so excited to announce, that I have been working hard at writing.

“What? Really? You write?”

Harhar. Yes. Yesterday. I wrote a whole chapbook (32 pages. Wooooow *hint of sarcasm*), and now am in the process of going through Lulu and self-publishing the little thing. It should be done and ready within a couple of weeks. I’m excited to show you guys the final product. I really hope you all like it. Little Sister is the only one who has read the whole thing, and Michigan Best Friend read part of it.

That’s the most exciting thing I’ve done.

Do I have anything else to talk about? Yes. Always. I’m slowly making my way through The Whispers of the Fallen. I am loving it so much. I’m actually surprised I haven’t finished it yet. I did finish milk and honey by Rupi Kaur. It was so beautiful. (I would like to let everyone know, I just spelled beautiful as butiful. *face palm*) I want to reread it again, but I won’t so soon. I should be putting a review up soon. Maybe I can get someone else to review it too. Hehe. Anyway, be on the look out for that.

**Just had a thought** Why is it, that when I start picking up the pace in writing and reading I lack in Chinese? or vice versa? What is this? Why can’t I just do everything and have a nice productive life? ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

Ooh! Yesterday, I went shopping, and came home with more clothes than I need. The thought of having to leave some home when I go back to college hurts my heart. I’m so emotionally attached to everything wear. I’m excited about these new clothes though, because I’ve been trying to adjust my style to look like more of the K-Pop trends. I think I did really well with that yesterday. I went to Walmart, Plato’s Closet, Maurices, and Barnes N Noble.

“Barnes N Noble? You can’t get clothes there.” No, you’re right. I can’t, but I did get a cute planner. I love it to pieces already. It’s cute and colorful with different shades of pink and red on it. I’m excited for the semester to start so that I can use the planner to its fullest.

Alright. That’s as much of an update (updete… that’s what I almost put.) as I think is necessary right now. Not unless you all really want to know about me going to the beach on Thursday? Friday? (I don’t remember.) and getting an iPad on Saturday, and how I’ll be going to the beach again tomorrow. (Now you know, and I probably already told you most of that stuff.)

See, my goodbyes and endings to these can’t possible get more awkward.

Fighting! Good luck! 加油!

Addictions are expensive.

Let me clarify. I have a book addiction. And possibly a phone case one. Anyhow, I spent well up to a hundred dollars on new books and phone cases. Let me show you. I’m excited about them.

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I bought

  1. The Art of War by Sun Tzû
  2. milk and honey by rupi kaur
  3. Emperor of the Eight Islands by Lian Hearn

I am so excited for all of these. When am I going to find time to read them? Who knows, but I’ll figure it out. If I finish all these other books I’m reading, I can do it. *A large toothy grin appears on my face. At which point I’m sure you roll your eyes.*

As for the phone cases, I love all of them. I’m nervous about the first two (the anchor and colorful one). They don’t fully go over my phone. They just sort of snap on. I’m going to have to be ultra careful not to drop my phone–not that I do anyway. So now I think I have six iPhone 7 cases. I’m not sure what to do with all of my iPhone 6 cases.

Also, I finally got an iPad. Let’s see how much I start writing with that or if that will just be a greater distraction to me. Along with the iPad came an iPad case and 47 new songs from iTunes. My K-Pop library is expanding. Although, with all of the purchases I made, I forgot to y KARD’s new song! I need ‘Hola Hola’ and ‘Rumor.’ Argh. But I already went $0.50 over budget. I’m gonna have to wait before I can buy any new music.

I would also like to let you know that I have been inspired for a few poems, so hopefully I’ll be kicking out a chapbook soon. I have a lot of writing I want to get done before August 13th. Can I do it? Of course. A part of me is worried I won’t, but like my previous post, it’s a choice whether I do or not.

I promise I’ll finish a book (if not two) this weekend! and I’ll get to work on writing. I won’t let you down. (Throws fist in the air) Fighting!

加油!么么哒!再见!Good luck! Mwah! See you later!

 

*** Totally random, and not that you really care, but I went to the beach yesterday (which is why I’m putting this up now and not yesterday) and I am so sunburnt! However, swimming in the water for nearly two hours was worth it.