Okay not “Ok.”
1. “It was a time
where when people talked about one another.”
‘Time’ is not a place. It cannot be a ‘where’ it must be a ‘when.’
2. “It’s a situation
where in which no solution seems possible.”
For this second example, ‘where’ is a little more acceptable, but for it to be absolutely correct ‘in which’ is the way to go.
Penuel is the name of the floor I live on in my dorm. It is also the name of the mountain where Jacob wrestled with God. The name Penuel means “Face of God.” Jacob named the mountain that because it is where he saw the face of God and was spared.
Why do I mention this? Because I keep fighting God at every turn. You remember that last post? Yeah… I’m still telling God no. I’m much more reluctant about it, but no is still no, and God is still expecting a yes.
Just recently I am beginnnig to fully understand how much of a superiority complex I have. Before you roll your eyes or sarcastically gasp, let me clarify, I have always know I’ve had a superiority complex. I know I’m pridefull, and I know I think I’m better than everyone. That doesn’t go unnoticed by me. I just didn’t realize how deep that complex went until I looked around one of my classes and thought that everyone there was stupid and I was better than them.
God has been telling me to seek Him. All I have been doing, and quite frankly, want to do, is seek out my own gain.
Recently my chaplain said:
We have to surrender the surrender.
That hurts. I feel like the one thing I still have control of is what I give and what I don’t give to God. All the while God is holding out his plate asking for more of the pie I cooked. I’m running low and I’m not happy. I want to keep hold of something, or at least I want something in return. So often I feel like I seek God and I seek God and I seek God and I seek God and I seek God and I… the process of seeking goes on forever.
“God, I’ve been in the prayer tower every day! I’ve been seeking you! I’ve been quoting scripture and living in your throne room! Where is my reward for my faithfulness? Why haven’t I seen your faithfulness?” And all I hear in return is, “Seek me, it’s coming.”
What the heck does that mean! I’ve been seeking God. I’ve been on my knees. I’ve been raising my hands and dancing as an act of worship. What more can I do.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes; fear the Lord, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.
~ Proverbs 3:5-8
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.
~ Matthew 6:33
Delight theyself also in the Lord and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him and he shall bring it to pass.
~ Psalm 37:4-5
They kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven.
~ Matthew 6:10
I listened to a message by Steven Furtick tonight and he said, “Trust and time are inseparable because trust takes time.”
Seek God. Trust God. Do it again. Seek God. Trust God. Repeat. It’s a lifestyle that doesn’t end. Trust in the Lord and He will direct your paths. Seek His kingdom and all things will be added unto you. Delight yourself in Him and He will give you the desires of you heart. Seek His will not your own.
Do you know how hard that is? That means catching yourself in every decision and trusting that God is leading you and guiding you. That is knowing that you can’t but God can. You can do all things through God who gives you strength, and all things are possible with God.
So often I ask myself, “Elizabeth, are you in God and are you with God?”
All I have to do to answer that question is look at the outcome of my situations.
I am such a prideful human being. But I have to understand that I can’t live off of the confidence I have in myself. My confidence needs to reside in the goodness of the Lord.
I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
~ Psalm 27:13NIV
Where is your confidence?
I know, I’m probably speaking to the choir, but this is everything I’ve needed to hear, and I’m still hearing. Now it’s just a matter of listening, getting it through my thick skull, and acting on it. As hard as everything is, and as tired as I am getting, both mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, all I know to do right now is to keep seeking God and trusting Him. There is nothing better I can do. I have seen His faithfulness before, and I will see it again. I know my God. He is my Daddy.
Ask and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Of if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
~ Matthew 7:7-11
When you don’t know what to do, do what you know. I heard an old youth pastor of mine say that before. Right now, I know how to wake up, go to class, eat food, and enter into the prayer tower. It is a monotonous routine, but I know my God is not boring, and I will see Him in the land of the living. There are no shortcuts. He is not going to take me around the Red sea through the land of the Philistines. Rather, He will split the sea, so I can walk right throught it. My God is faithful, and I will see Him on Penuel in the land of the living.
Therefore, I will remain confident, not in myself, not in my ability, but in fact that when I am weak He is strong.
I came to college expecting so much, and I am still expecting so much. I am expecting God to move powerfully. This first week, however, was like fighting Goliath. On Thursday, last week, classes began, and my thought was, “What could possibly happen in the first week?” Let me tell you, apparently everything can happen in the first week. It was like a silver platter full rotten food was handed to me, and I had a choice to eat the rotten meat and bug infested fruit or I could staple a return to sender, and go eat at SAGA (the cafeteria here on campus, which probably isn’t much better.) I’ll be honest, I took a bite from a few of the apples given to me.
Just within the first week I have found myself resisting God. Pray? No. Read the Bible? No. Worship? No. I want to sit here in anger, and do things my way. I don’t want to reach expectations. I don’t like being told what to do. “God, why don’t you just sit on the sidelines? I’ll take care of this. I can do it so much better.” Okay, stop laughing at me. I know what I did wrong, but my story isn’t over. So, when everything goes kaput after I take control, I throw my hands up and say, “What the heck, God!” All I get is the same response. “Yeah, what the heck Elizabeth?” Alright, fair point. Everyday I try to bring my own plans for my future to fruition, I fail. Let’s be real. I woke up on Monday and said, “Yes, today is going to be a good day.” And like a friend of mine said, it was like a narrator was right behind me saying, “Today was not going to be a good day,” in that deep, slow, ominous, somewhat comedic voice. (That was a rotten apple with several worms.)
Why am I so afraid of admitting that I can’t do something and allowing God to have the first and final say about things? Why am I so afraid of surrenduring and relinquishing control when I know how good and great God is? Well, I think this comes down to the fact that I’m afraid of admitting my feelings to myself, anyone, and God. Being honest is a hard thing for me to do when it comes to confessing how I really feel.
“Okay, Elizabeth. Wow. Take a deep breath.”
Yeah. It’s a lot. Despite all of that though, I do trust in God’s goodness. I know that despite everything I am feeling, I will see the goodness of the Lord.
“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.”
Psalm 27:13 NIV
And despite all of the things that have happened in the first week, there were a lot of good moments too. Thursday night was campus worship, I did something Friday night (not that I remember), and Saturday night was Partiestival which was a blast. Sunday I went to the Aquarium. It was my first time there. I really enjoyed it! I took pictures of all the fish and put it on SnapChat. Monday is not worth recounting. Most of the week is not worth recounting. Thursday night was interesting. Roommate and I were up until 3 in the morning praying and witnessing to each other. Friday night I saw the movie “Dirty Dancing” for the first time. I fell in love with it! I love watching dance movies or musicals. Saturday I spent all day with a friend of mine whom we will call Charlie (Female). Sunday I didn’t do much accept study for ages and get all my homework done. And now here we are: the beginning of week two of classes. I am trusting this week to be a hundred times better. There has been a lot of self discovery in the past week. I’m still thinking about a lot of it, and trying to journal about it.
“Wow. You’re busy. When do you have time for anything?”
Good question. I’m not sure. Because of how stressful the first week was, I’ve already gone crying to my chaplain. (Let’s be real, I didn’t cry.) Chaplain told me that I need to find time to rest and relax. This week I plan on finding time to read and to perhaps watch an episode of T.V. on occasion. Because I am so busy and can barely find time to relax, I am scheduling posts to be posted without me having to write everyday. I can just do it all of my writing at once. Some of the the things coming up are “Quick Tips” about writing by the one and only Professor Gogan. “Quick Tips” will be posted every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I am on the search for quotes that I think say a lot, and those will go up on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I thought all of you would like those. I will have a few short stories coming soon, and I will continue to do updates on my life, but that might only be once a week now.
I think that’s about it. This semester I have 18 credit hours. I’m in two language classes (Chinese 301 and Spanish 101), assisting in one (Chinese 101), and showing up for another just because I can (Chinese 201). I love all of my classes this semester. I’m happy I am given the opportunity to get into the swing of things before I start my work study. (I think I’ll have about ten hours of work mixed in between my classes.)
Okay. That’s all. I’ve given you an semi-clear update of the past week.
我爱你！加油！再见！Fighting! Good luck! I love you guys!
Today classes start. I’m moved in, unpacked, definitely not organized, and incredibly sore.
My prayer for this semester:
Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed by thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into our temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. ~ Matthew 6:9-13
I am believing for a good semester. I’m excited about the classes I have and the friends I have. While I have certain idea and plan of how I want things to go, I know God is in control. His ways are higher than my ways. His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I want His will to be done in my life. All things are possible with God. That is what I am living on for this school year.
I’ve talked to one of my professors already, and she’s practically guaranteed me a job in the Writing Center. (I tutor in English.) I’m going to see if I can have two work studies. A student is only allowed to have ten hours of work study, so I’m looking to see if if I can split those ten hours up between two jobs. I have to go to career services and ask if I can do that.
Everything is going so well, I’m excited for what’s going to happen this semester.
Fighting! 加油！Goodluck! 再见！Goodbye!
As the title says, here are my goals for this semester:
- Overflow with Jesus
- Be full of Joy
- Love absolutely everyone
- Honor God with
- all my heart
- all my soul
- and all my strength
- Be confident in myself, because ya’all God created me, and I don’t have time to not live as who He created me to be.
- Get a boyfriend
- Go on like a million adventures with Oklahoma Best Friend
- Study hard
- Raise my GPA
- FINISH THIS FINAL FREELANCE PROJECT
- Sell 50 copies of my book (available for purchase here.)
- Publish an e-book
“Elizabeth, please tell me that boyfriend one is a joke?”
… No. That has been my goal since freshman year. *Insert any cry face you can imagine* I’m not desperate. (Maybe a little.) Okay, maybe I was desperate sophomore year. Okay, maybe I was desperate last semester. Okay, ya’all I’m semi joke. Still, let me tell you, God knows the desires of my heart. One day I want to be married and the beginning of that relationship begins with dating. I have an ideal deadline of when I would like things to happen by, but ultimately I trust God’s timing. If there is one thing I’ve learned this summer it is to trust God. I fail so much, and He always reminds me that I can’t do things by myself. I trust God and His plans for my life. In the meantime I will plow my field and plant a lot of seeds so that I can reap a bountiful harvest.
So yeah. Those are my goals, and these aren’t just things I’m hoping will happen. They are things that are going to happen. I am going to work hard. If I don’t work hard, please, someone slap me across the face with french toast. Imma probably need it a lot this semester. Pray for me! Talk to me! I’ll keep you all updated on these.
What are your goals for the end of the year? Tell me so I can pray for you and push you on too! *GIANT smiley face*
Everyday this week I have thought about writing a post, and then I just didn’t. So here I am apologizing. I am incredibly sorry. *Does a full ninety degree Korean bow.*
I would love to make the excuse that I’ve been busy, but if I say that, then I have to give you proof I’ve been busy when really I was only busy on Tuesday, and even then I could have put up a post.
Tuesday: I went to the beach with some friends and Little Sister. After that, Mother and I took a two and a half hour car ride to a Barnes N Noble to get a book signed.
While I was only there for about fifteen minutes, I am delighted that I got this signed. I got to meet the amazing author herself. She was a delight, and I’m thankful Mother was willing to drive me.
Yeah, so Tuesday I was awake from five in the morning until probably about midnight. Everyday, after that, what was I doing? I honestly don’t remember.
I’ve been shopping a lot. So much so, I’ve run out of hangers and space in my closet to put clothes. On Thursday, I talked to Tulsa Best Friend for a couple of hours. I’ve been thinking about heading back to college and all the supplies I’m going to need for that.
I honestly, think that’s all I can say right now. I’m still slowly reading books.
- I’m about half way through The Whispers of the Fallen.
- I’m some where on chapter two of Emperor of the Eight Islands.
This week I will definitely finish reading three books, my last freelance project, and my second Chapbook. These are my goals for this week. I’ll be sure to get them done, and I’ll keep you updated on them.
Alright, that’s all. Now I’m gonna go write that review I promised you.
Fighting! Good luck! 加油！Goodbye! 再见!