While She Breathes

She sits

In her pocket of the world

Unperturbed by toxic kisses

Eyes closed

She carves designs

Into her skin–

Swirls and lines–

With her fingernails

On her thighs

 

She sits

In the quiet atmosphere

Half asleep

Tired from

Sleazy men and

Their slimy words

She rubs her hands

Along the fabric of her skirt

Trying to remove the ramains

Of the cheesy pick-up lines

Texted to her and

Her own stupid replies

 

She sits

Calmly

Her eyes are closed

Her hair falls soft brown around her shoulder

She sits

Undisturbed by the world that waits for her

Outside the door

Advertisements

Dancing in the Rain

One of my most favorite things is the rain.

IMG_5344

I was jumping around in the puddles in my shoes, singing “Open the flood gates of Heaven! Let it rain!” as it continued to rain harder.

IMG_5326

When I got back to my room, I was dripping little puddles on my floor. I emptied everything out of my back pack, and the only things wet were a receipt and the corners of a journal! (Dude, target knows how to hook a person up.)

IMG_5347

My shoes looked horrible too. They were already dirty, now it looked like I bought them gray. (I’m not even sure I’m the one that bought them….)

IMG_5345

So I threw everything in the washer and drying, and they came out looking like they did before I jumped in any puddles. I, on the other hand, was freezing. I threw on a sweater, and began to clean up the rest of my dirty room.

IMG_5346

(Ignore the fact that I just stated I’m cold so I’m a wearing a sweater, but now I’m also in shorts. I think it’s a Michigan thing.)

The day was a lot of fun. I was wet for nearly all of it. I was definitely soaking wet at the end of it. Although, I did not spare a friend of mine from ending up the same way. A full out water war happened. I was talking to a few other friends, and jokingly said, “Wanna hug?” And they hugged me! I felt so loved.

This was on Wednesday.

My Life ft. My Stupidity

I came to college expecting so much, and I am still expecting so much. I am expecting God to move powerfully. This first week, however, was like fighting Goliath. On Thursday, last week, classes began, and my thought was, “What could possibly happen in the first week?” Let me tell you, apparently everything can happen in the first week. It was like a silver platter full rotten food was handed to me, and I had a choice to eat the rotten meat and bug infested fruit or I could staple a return to sender, and go eat at SAGA (the cafeteria here on campus, which probably isn’t much better.) I’ll be honest, I took a bite from a few of the apples given to me.

Just within the first week I have found myself resisting God. Pray? No. Read the Bible? No. Worship? No. I want to sit here in anger, and do things my way. I don’t want to reach expectations. I don’t like being told what to do. “God, why don’t you just sit on the sidelines? I’ll take care of this. I can do it so much better.” Okay, stop laughing at me. I know what I did wrong, but my story isn’t over. So, when everything goes kaput after I take control, I throw my hands up and say, “What the heck, God!” All I get is the same response. “Yeah, what the heck Elizabeth?” Alright, fair point. Everyday I try to bring my own plans for my future to fruition, I fail. Let’s be real. I woke up on Monday and said, “Yes, today is going to be a good day.” And like a friend of mine said, it was like a narrator was right behind me saying, “Today was not going to be a good day,” in that deep, slow, ominous, somewhat comedic voice. (That was a rotten apple with several worms.)

Why am I so afraid of admitting that I can’t do something and allowing God to have the first and final say about things? Why am I so afraid of surrenduring and relinquishing control when I know how good and great God is? Well, I think this comes down to the fact that I’m afraid of admitting my feelings to myself, anyone, and God. Being honest is a hard thing for me to do when it comes to confessing how I really feel.

“Okay, Elizabeth. Wow. Take a deep breath.” 

Yeah. It’s a lot. Despite all of that though, I do trust in God’s goodness. I know that despite everything I am feeling, I will see the goodness of the Lord.

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭27:13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

And despite all of the things that have happened in the first week, there were a lot of good moments too. Thursday night was campus worship, I did something Friday night (not that I remember), and Saturday night was Partiestival which was a blast. Sunday I went to the Aquarium. It was my first time there. I really enjoyed it! I took pictures of all the fish and put it on SnapChat. Monday is not worth recounting. Most of the week is not worth recounting. Thursday night was interesting. Roommate and I were up until 3 in the morning praying and witnessing to each other. Friday night I saw the movie “Dirty Dancing” for the first time. I fell in love with it! I love watching dance movies or musicals. Saturday I spent all day with a friend of mine whom we will call Charlie (Female). Sunday I didn’t do much accept study for ages and get all my homework done. And now here we are: the beginning of week two of classes. I am trusting this week to be a hundred times better. There has been a lot of self discovery in the past week. I’m still thinking about a lot of it, and trying to journal about it.

“Wow. You’re busy. When do you have time for anything?”

Good question. I’m not sure. Because of how stressful the first week was, I’ve already gone crying to my chaplain. (Let’s be real, I didn’t cry.) Chaplain told me that I need to find time to rest and relax. This week I plan on finding time to read and to perhaps watch an episode of T.V. on occasion. Because I am so busy and can barely find time to relax, I am scheduling posts to be posted without me having to write everyday. I can just do it all of my writing at once. Some of the the things coming up are “Quick Tips” about writing by the one and only Professor Gogan. “Quick Tips” will be posted every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I am on the search for quotes that I think say a lot, and those will go up on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I thought all of you would like those. I will have a few short stories coming soon, and I will continue to do updates on my life, but that might only be once a week now. 

I think that’s about it. This semester I have 18 credit hours. I’m in two language classes (Chinese 301 and Spanish 101), assisting in one (Chinese 101), and showing up for another just because I can (Chinese 201). I love all of my classes this semester. I’m happy I am given the opportunity to get into the swing of things before I start my work study. (I think I’ll have about ten hours of work mixed in between my classes.)

Okay. That’s all. I’ve given you an semi-clear update of the past week. 

我爱你!加油!再见!Fighting! Good luck! I love you guys! 

The Beginning of Something Wonderful

Today classes start. I’m moved in, unpacked, definitely not organized, and incredibly sore. 

My prayer for this semester:

Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed by thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into our temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.     ~ Matthew 6:9-13

I am believing for a good semester. I’m excited about the classes I have and the friends I have. While I have certain idea and plan of how I want things to go, I know God is in control. His ways are higher than my ways. His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I want His will to be done in my life. All things are possible with God. That is what I am living on for this school year.

I’ve talked to one of my professors already, and she’s practically guaranteed me a job in the Writing Center. (I tutor in English.) I’m going to see if I can have two work studies. A student is only allowed to have ten hours of work study, so I’m looking to see if if I can split those ten hours up between two jobs. I have to go to career services and ask if I can do that.

Everything is going so well, I’m excited for what’s going to happen this semester. 

Fighting! 加油!Goodluck! 再见!Goodbye!

Home Stretch

I thought about posting on Monday, and I thought about it again on Tuesday, but nothing much had happened, so I thought I would wait until today.

Monday night I had the opportunity of talking to my Tulsa Best Friend for a few hours. We were talking through FaceTime. It was really nice seeing her. I’m glad I’ll be able to see her in person on Monday. Yesterday, I talked to my Male Best Friend for a couple hours on the phone. I miss him so much! I’m glad I get to see him next week too. I’m hoping we can all go out to IHOP on Monday and just hang out with each other. I miss everyone! *Insert like a million cry faces right here.*

This morning Father and I went and watched the movie Atomic Blonde. It was good. It wasn’t what I expected, but I enjoyed it. I was expecting it to be like a female James Bond, and while it had its similarities, it wasn’t anything like James Bond. The last scene had me slightly confused, but it did nothing to affect how much I still like and enjoyed the movie. There was a lot of language and one sex scene, so if you’re not against any of that, I encourage you to go watch it.

That was this morning. This afternoon I did some writing, and then in the evening I started packing. The library is a mess. I have both suitcases opened and an empty crate in there. I haven’t packed anything yet. I’ve been transferring stuff from my room to the library to be packed. On top of that, I haven’t even touched my clothes yet. I put my sweaters in a box, but those are the only clothes I removed from the closet.

Of all the books I moved to the library to pack, only about five of them are fiction. The rest of the books are my journals. Which, believe me, is a lot! I have too many! I know I should leave like one or two of them here at home, but I’m so attached to all of them, and I really don’t want to leave any behind. They’re my babies. (If I could insert emojis here I would. It would be like three laughing cry faces, a cry face, and one more laughing cry face.)

Tomorrow I will attempt more writing and the daunting task of packing my clothes. I’ll have to figure out what Chinese books to take with me, and which ones to leave at home. I need to decide on the pillows I’ll take back to college and there is still so much to do. I leave Sunday, so I have time, but it’s still stressful.

So far that’s all I have to say. I’ll try to update you Friday, and I’ll put up an end of summer post on Saturday. Until then.

Goodbye! 再见!加油!Fighting! Good luck!

 

Is it too late to say I procrastinate?

Everyday this week I have thought about writing a post, and then I just didn’t. So here I am apologizing. I am incredibly sorry. *Does a full ninety degree Korean bow.*

I would love to make the excuse that I’ve been busy, but if I say that, then I have to give you proof I’ve been busy when really I was only busy on Tuesday, and even then I could have put up a post.

Tuesday: I went to the beach with some friends and Little Sister. After that, Mother and I took a two and a half hour car ride to a Barnes N Noble to get a book signed.

IMG_4519

While I was only there for about fifteen minutes, I am delighted that I got this signed. I got to meet the amazing author herself. She was a delight, and I’m thankful Mother was willing to drive me.

Yeah, so Tuesday I was awake from five in the morning until probably about midnight. Everyday, after that, what was I doing? I honestly don’t remember.

I’ve been shopping a lot. So much so, I’ve run out of hangers and space in my closet to put clothes. On Thursday, I talked to Tulsa Best Friend for a couple of hours. I’ve been thinking about heading back to college and all the supplies I’m going to need for that.

I honestly, think that’s all I can say right now. I’m still slowly reading books.

Current Reads:

  • I’m about half way through The Whispers of the Fallen.
  • I’m some where on chapter two of Emperor of the Eight Islands.

This week I will definitely finish reading three books, my last freelance project,  and my second Chapbook. These are my goals for this week. I’ll be sure to get them done, and I’ll keep you updated on them.

Alright, that’s all. Now I’m gonna go write that review I promised you.

Fighting! Good luck! 加油!Goodbye! 再见!

I’m tired. Let’s get this over with.

The weekend was generally, fairly good. My week of no meat is over, however, now I am not eating sugar. I crave sweet things too much, so I’m trying to break that craving. Although, this is now forcing me to eat healthier– like veggies and fruit. (Oh, the horror.) I’m reading three books at the same time now. (I told you this was a serious problem. It’s not even a habit, just a horrible book and word addiction that I refuse to break.) I’m still reading The Red Queen  more than the other ones though. Hopefully, I’ll get that finished in the next few days.

Chinese is taking off wonderfully this week. I’m re-watching Les Interpretes (French. Literal Translation: The Interpreter.) It’s a Chinese drama, and I love it. It inspires me to study Mandarin a bit more. As unrealistic as it sounds, I think it would be really cool to be able to do simultaneous interpretation. It’s hard and takes a lot of work and practice, but I want to give it a shot. I also pulled down my flash cards from my closet, and re downloaded an app on my phone to help me with tones.

Last night I was talking to one of my favorite authors: J. D. Netto, author of The Whispers of the Fallen. I asked him what I should do when I can’t seem to write anything. Every time I site down to write, I look at the blank screen and quickly turn to Netflix. (I’m telling you, Supernatural calls my name.) He said,

“Find an idea you’r willing to pour yourself into for hours. Your passion for your work will be enough creative fuel.”

Dude, I’m so ready to find an idea I’m that passionate about. Now I just need to stop watching TV and actually start writing. (I don’t want to say good bye to Dean though! (Yes. I have claimed Dean. Fight Me.))

Umm… What else? I got new shoes. I ran a mile in them tonight. I don’t like them. I’m going to return them and get a pair of ASICS. I have high arches so I need shoes that support me well. I trust the ASICS brand so I’m going to buy me a pair that isn’t purple. (The current pair I have is purple, and I don’t like purple. I like pink.)

Yup. That’s my life.

OH!!! My Best Friend in Tulsa, got things worked out with the school, so now I can see her next semester. Yay! I was so worried she wouldn’t be coming back to school. I don’t know if I could do the semester without her. She’s kind of a staple in my life right now.

Speaking of Best Friend. My Best Friend in Michigan (Yes, I have two Best Friends.) and I will soon be working at a firework stand together. That makes me super happy. I’ve hardly seen her since I’ve been home, so it’ll be nice to spend a solid two weeks together.

Second to last thing: A lot of things are up in the air for the end of my summer. I don’t want to give too many details right now, but just be praying that God gives wisdom and guidance to all the parties involved in the decision making process.

Final topic: I will for sure be posting every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. If I post any other day it will simply be because I feel like it.

Fighting! 加油!Good luck!