Dream Big

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This is one of my favorite poems. I don’t know how many times I would tell my mother all of the crazy things I planned to do. She would get all skeptical and look at me out of the corner of her eye while she cooked. She never discouraged me though (maybe about becoming a world famous singer.. kind of gotta be able to hit a note for that one). All she ever told me was to dream big, and so that’s what I did. I dreamed bigger and bigger every night.

Mamma always said, “Dream big, baby.”

So I did.

I dreamed that one day I would be happy.

Now here I am,

And I can’t imagine being sad.

“Dream big, baby.” Mamma always said, “Dream big.”

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My Forest

I am really pushing it on this one post a day thing.

Here is a poem I wrote at three in the morning back in December of 2015.

 

Green dollar bills

Silver nickels

Copper pennies

Rusted leaves

Dying trees

Where soul isn’t currency

 

I sold my heart for a little bit of love

And I traded my mind for little bit of trust.

All I had left was my soul

Covered in dust

Blackened by bruises

Hours of untamed lusts

Hidden in corners

Covered by night

Untouched by light

Breathing

But not living

Hoping

But not dreaming

Slowly

Losing

Sanity

 

outdated

over-rated

Just say it

Metal buckets

Molded books

Fraying shirts

Ripped hems

Muddy boots

Broken hearts

Shattered glass

Shredding statements

To pretty nothings

 

I am nothing

Not worth keeping

Not worth selling

Not for petty green slips

That forfeits morality

pays for pleasure

gives a sense of stability

making for silence

That creates cruelty

 

No longer

I will not listen to your kisses

I will not bed on your roses

I will not willingly lie to cover your inconsistencies

I will not compromise my worth

For your sake of guilt

That you built

On zero monetary value

 

Take your green bills

Silver nickels

And copper coins

Ruin your leaves

Kill your trees

But sure as hell stay away from my forest

I grew it from broken pieces of mismatched hearts

I watered it with mismatched blood types

And I built it with scattered dreams

Cracked trust funds

And my own damn hands

 

I’ve already lost my heart

And I’ve already lost my mind

I will not lose my soul

It cannot be sold

I will fight with desperation

Searching for restoration

Grasping for redemption

In a place of desolation

 

It’s not pretty

But it’s all I’ve got

And I will fight for everything I have

With everything I have

I will fight

四大发明 – Four Great Invention

I thought I would go ahead and show you guys what I do and learn in Chinese class.

中国有四大发明:造纸,指南针,火药,和印刷。第一个发明是造纸汉字先写作子, 在甲骨中商代,以后汉字写在竹简上并且竹简记载了一起跟绳子。第二个发明是指南针,指南针是在战国时期的宋朝发明的。它发明了中宋代。以后阿拉伯人和帕西人学习了怎么用指南针。他们介绍了指南折到欧洲。第三个火药发明,火药发在隋唐。火药用硫化氢,木炭,和xiaoshi。中国人用火药在烟花。第四个印刷发明,在汉朝别贴和雕版是发明了。汉字刊在木头上。这种雕版会移动,用起来比较。毕升(970-1051)在宋朝发明了活字印刷。现在我觉得中国非常棒。

Translation:

China has four great inventions: paper making, compass, gunpowder, and printing. The first one is paper making. Chinese characters were first written on oracle bones during the Shang Dynasty; afterwards, characters were written on bamboo sticks, and they were tied together with string. The second one is the compass. The compass was invented during the Central Warring States during the Song Dynasty. Afterwards, Arabians and Persians learned how to make it, and they introduced it to Europe. The third one is gunpowder. Gunpowder was invented during the Sui and Tang dynasties. Gunpowder is made with sulfer, charcoal, and saltpetre. The Chinese use it in their fireworks. The fourth one is printing. During the Han Dynasty rubbing technique and block printing technique was invented. Chinese characters were engraved on small wooden blocks. This made the wooden blocked easy to move around. Bi Sheng (970-1051) later invented the movable-type printing in the Song Dynasty. Now I think China is great.

*If you have any improvements for this, let me know!

Memories

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Memories are shifty things. They’re from your perspective and a lot of the time can’t be trusted. For example, my family has moved around a lot. We lived in the trailer, moved to Grandma’s house, went to the apartments, lived in the duplex, moved into Grandpa Willsea’s house, and then we moved into the house my family is in now. At the time we lived in the trailer, my family owned a pizza restaurant. In my memories, we lived in the pizza restaurant before we lived in the trailer. Like, I know we didn’t live in the restaurant, but I don’t ever remember being in the trailer because we were always in the restaurant. I asked my mom where we lived while we ran the pizza place, and when she told me the trailer, I didn’t believe her at first.

The whole reason I’ve been running back through all my memories is because I’m trying to find my earliest memory. Right now I think my earliest memory is from when we opened the pizza place and I went on a delivery run with my dad. It was late at night and I remember the man at the door giving me a wad of cash. (At least, that’s what my memory says happened.) I remember sitting in the car with dad and thinking all the money was mine and had been given to me. Although, now that I know my family lived in the trailer at the same time we had the restaurant, I don’t know if that really is my earliest memory.

Through doing this, I have begun to remember a lot of things I thought I had previously forgotten. It’s been fun reminiscing on all the things from my childhood until now. Even more amazing, is seeing how much God has redeemed me from my past. I remember having many anger issues growing up, but I only remember very few moments of when I was angry. I know there were many more, because I screamed and yelled my way through middle school and most of high school. The fact that I don’t remember many of those moments, I think, goes to show that my mind is healing itself and that God is redeeming me.

To think, all this started because I began watching a Turkish show that started with the main character recalling her earliest memory.

Now, let’s create some dialogue. What is your earliest memory?

么么哒!

Fairy Houses

Little houses sitting on church windowsills

Housing little dreams

Kept clean by little fairies

Hanging little wishes in the coat closet

Nailing little prayers above the fireplace like its Christmas

This is where I live

Hoping someone hears me whispering my dreams down the chimney

Wearing my wishes like dresses from the met gala

And listening to my prayers on tape cassettes while drinking Huā Chá by the fire

This is where I live

Dropped between reality and imagination

Impossible

Welcome to 2018

I’m not going to bother much with a recap of the year. You know most of it by now anyway. I made new friends. I lost old friends. I made even more new friends. I cried. I laughed. I learned a lot from God and my school. In the end, here I am still alive, still kicking, ready for more.

To be honest, I haven’t done much planning or vision casting for 2018. I’ve been focusing on spending time with my family and enjoying them as much as I can. My plan was to just roll with whatever comes my way, continuing to love God and grow closer to Him. Since Thanksgiving break, I just came to the conclusion that I only want God’s love and I just simply want more of Him.

Therefore, the resolutions I quickly came up with are mostly abstract and can be interpreted however an individual wants. Please feel free to join me in them if you do so desire.

1. Learn the daily act of worship.

As I was praying about this, God said, “Keeping your room clean, is a good place to start worshiping me daily.” It brought me to the question of are my actions worshiping God?

2. Pray for a specific person every month.

I got this idea from seeing a post somewhere that said to pray for my future husband for 21 days. I thought that was a good idea, but decided to take each individual month to pray for a specific person. January will be for my future husband and then February I will pray for another friend.

3. 1 Thessalonians 4:9-12(KJV)

Out of this passage, I understood that for me I need to love everyone, study to be quiet, do my own business, work with my hands, and walk honestly toward everyone.

4. Chinese – I don’t necessarily know what this looks like right now, but that’s alright. I have a page idea for my bullet journal to help me learn more Chinese.

5. There is a fifth resolution, but I’m not sure what it’s suppose to be. A friend recommended I make it “To drink more tea.” I figured why not, so I’m going to try to drink more tea this year.

What are your resolutions? If you need someone to help you stick to them, just let me know. I’m here. As the cliched saying goes, this will be your best year yet. God is always with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. I’m always praying for you all, my dears.

With much, much, much love, Elizabeth from 2018, new and improved (or about to be).

The World Above.

There was the sun, and stretched out before it was a sea of fire. Taan and Yulius sat on the edge of an island drifting through the sky. It was one cloud, constantly shifting and drifting from one point in the universe to another. They watched the sun slip around to the other side of the world knowing that, once it was gone, they could swim in the inky black, sometimes blue, ocean, and float with the stars. They had to wait until the sun set though or else they would burn and fall to the world below, where people called their falling bodies shooting stars. Taan recalled how people below would make wishes on the shooting stars and take pictures of them. From their perspective, he guessed it was beautiful; although, this was a hard concept to convey to Yulius.

 “One day, I want to go down there,” Yulius said. He leaned back on his hands.

 “You wouldn’t like it. Everything is muted down there,” said Taan. “Besides, after this, I promised to take to you to the forest.” 

 “What do the people down there think about the forest?”

 “They call it lightening, and they call the sound thunder. You wouldn’t understand them, Yulius. Trust me. You wouldn’t like it.” 

 The sun disappeared. Taan stood up and without further waiting, he stepped off the cloud and dropped down among the stars. Yulius followed shortly after, dropping the subject of the world called Earth.

Loving Her is Like a Random Simile

I cringe so much just thinking about this. For one of my classes, I had to write a bad poem. Naturally, bad poems should never be shared with the world, nonetheless, here is mine for all too see. WARNING: your eyes will hurt after reading this.

Looking at her was like looking at the sun.

The stars were hung in her eyes.

She was stuck to my shoe like gum.

Tasting her was like tasting my mother’s cherry pies.

I swear this girl had my heart on the run.

I should have seen her lies.

 

She was my bane.

I was hardly sane.

I should never have gone back.

It was like a never ending heart attack.

Now she has me trapped.

I’m practically kidnapped,

And I don’t want to leave.