Editing will forever be my bane.

So, it was pointed out to me that there were several huge errors in my book. I want to apologize to everyone for how inconvenient this is. I went through and edited it, so it is now back up for sale. *An entire imaginary crowd of like three people start clapping vigorously. One of them probably whistles.*

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The one and only beautiful, Dowager Queen, is once again available for sale. It went from a whopping 32 pages up to 40. (I was feeling inspired.) I really encourage you all to get it. It’s small and short, so it’s something you can carry with you everywhere and read anywhere.

If you want to buy a copy of it, you can click here.

Thank you all for your support and being patient with me. It really mean a lot to me.

我爱你!

Habits Vs. Addictions

Habits are not Addictions. Like wise, Addictions are not habits. They can not be broken or overcome in the same way. I want this to be made very clear.

“Oh, I’m so addicted to coffee!” No, you are not addicted to coffee. You just have a habit of drinking it every morning. Besides, you wouldn’t be addicted to the coffee as much as you would be addicted to the caffeine. If you go a few days without drinking coffee and start experiencing withdrawals, it’s because of the lack of caffeine that your body got used to having.

To break a habit, just don’t do whatever the habit is for roughly 21 days. Habits are mindlessly done. A habit is making a cup of coffee at six in the morning while you’re still half asleep. It’s an action you’ve done and completed so often that you don’t even have to pay too much attention to what you’re doing.  Unless you accidentally pour orange juice instead of creamer into your coffee, then you better wait a few more minutes before you make your drink.

Breaking an addiction takes focus, will power, determination, and a whole lot of forgiveness and grace from God. Although, it should also be made clear that not every addiction is a sin. You could be addicted to caffeine. It doesn’t mean you have fallen from grace and lost any chance you had at forgiveness (Honestly, you could never fall from grace. You can always be forgiven.). It just means that too much of a good thing became a bad thing.

My addiction example will be pornography, because that’s what I know.

You can break the habit of looking at pornography everyday. Yay! Good job! That’s a win. However, two weeks later of breaking the habit, the desire to look hits you in the chest like a two ton mac truck, and in your head you’re telling yourself it’s a choice, and you know you’ll feel guilty afterward, and that you really shouldn’t. This is the breaking point of an addiction. It could be two weeks after breaking the habit, two months, six months, a year. The time in between gets longer the more you choose not to look. Each time you say no, is a win. Each time you say yes, doesn’t mean you lost, it just mean you have a set back and a bigger come back to make.

It’s hard. It’s disappointing. It’s rewarding. It’s jumping for joy and texting your best friend that you didn’t look. It’s breaking down in tears at three in the morning because you failed and you hate yourself.

It’s a journey, and it’s worth taking. I don’t know what you deal with, but keep going. I believe in you. I’m so proud of you for taking steps toward being better. Read Hebrews 12. Read Romans 7 and 8. Talk to me. Talk to God. Don’t quit.

Fighting! Good luck! 加油! 我爱你!再见!I love you! Good bye!

 

*** Shout out to my Aunt for putting down cigarettes. You’re a freaking goddess and I love you.

 

milk and honey by rupi kaur – Book Review

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This book. I might have written more notes in this book than I did in Amanda Lovelace’s book.

Again, this was a book of poetry. There were no capital letters, which I enjoyed. Although, one thing that set this book a part from Lovelace’s is that Kaur put drawings on some of the pages. I loved that. I wasn’t just reading things from Kaur’s point of view, but I was also able to see things from her point of view.

Both Lovelace’s and Kaur’s books are similar in content, but the delivery was different, and both of them gave me different perspectives on different matters. I really liked reading it, and I really want to go through and reread it, but that will wait for when I finish a few other books I have stacked on my floor.

I highly recommend you go buy this book. Read it and take notes then go and read it again. Let it flood your soul and enter into your mind. Let it make you think. Let it give you new ideas and a few tips on what you can do to better improve your poetry. I know it did all of those things to me.

Is it too late to say I procrastinate?

Everyday this week I have thought about writing a post, and then I just didn’t. So here I am apologizing. I am incredibly sorry. *Does a full ninety degree Korean bow.*

I would love to make the excuse that I’ve been busy, but if I say that, then I have to give you proof I’ve been busy when really I was only busy on Tuesday, and even then I could have put up a post.

Tuesday: I went to the beach with some friends and Little Sister. After that, Mother and I took a two and a half hour car ride to a Barnes N Noble to get a book signed.

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While I was only there for about fifteen minutes, I am delighted that I got this signed. I got to meet the amazing author herself. She was a delight, and I’m thankful Mother was willing to drive me.

Yeah, so Tuesday I was awake from five in the morning until probably about midnight. Everyday, after that, what was I doing? I honestly don’t remember.

I’ve been shopping a lot. So much so, I’ve run out of hangers and space in my closet to put clothes. On Thursday, I talked to Tulsa Best Friend for a couple of hours. I’ve been thinking about heading back to college and all the supplies I’m going to need for that.

I honestly, think that’s all I can say right now. I’m still slowly reading books.

Current Reads:

  • I’m about half way through The Whispers of the Fallen.
  • I’m some where on chapter two of Emperor of the Eight Islands.

This week I will definitely finish reading three books, my last freelance project,  and my second Chapbook. These are my goals for this week. I’ll be sure to get them done, and I’ll keep you updated on them.

Alright, that’s all. Now I’m gonna go write that review I promised you.

Fighting! Good luck! 加油!Goodbye! 再见!

What did you say?

No. Seriously. What did you say? Or, at least, what are you saying? This just struck me–as it does every once in a while–the knowledge of how much power my words have.

I was just listening to the song “1 life 2 live” by The Quiett (a Korean rapper). It came across my Pandora station, and while I was listening to it, these lyrics caught my attention.

1 life 2 live
got so much money to get baby

Simple. My immediate thought was, Dang, if all you want is to get more money, that’s all you’re gonna get. At least if you keep saying that. Then I was wondering if The Quiett was a Christian, because I was also thinking about Jay Park and I know Jay Park is a Christian, so I just had this whole stream of thoughts running circles in my head.

Then, it was like being slapped in the head: “Yeah, if you keep saying that. What do you keep saying?”

What have I been saying?

I’m bored. I’m tired. Man, I keep procrastinating. I need to start this. I’ll do it later. I’ll wait until I’m inspired. I should take a nap. My phone is just so distracting. I could keep going. See, I am a firm believer in the fact that my words will make my world. For someone who doesn’t want to be negative, I speak a lot of negative things over myself. It may not necessarily be bad, what I’m saying, but it’s not productive.

Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of scripture about how God wants us to glorify Him with our works. I know I haven’t been doing that, mainly because I haven’t been working. I don’t do anything.

“If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.” – James 4:17NIV

“As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work.” – John 9:4NIV

“Be very careful, then, how you live–not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” – Ephesians 5:15-16NIV

“Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth.” – Proverbs 10:4NIV

“Don’t put it off; do it now! Don’t rest until you do.” – Proverbs 6:4NLT

I don’t know how much clearer God can be about this. He certainly doesn’t want me to procrastinate.

While all of this requires I action, I think it begins with what I’m speaking. I need to start speaking scripture over me, truth, and then acting on what I say. Words produce. God spoke and the world was created. I speak and I continue to create my world.

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” – Proverbs 18:21

I don’t know about you, but I want the words I’m speaking to line up with the words God spoke. I want to be living out the plans God has for me in the world He created for me. And it all goes back to me choosing to do so. I choose what I say.

Finally, I will leave you with this.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” – Colossians 3:23

What did you say? What are you saying? What are you going to do about it?

Story Time

The Dragon Sash

I still wore the veil held in place by a jade comb, but I refused to wear the elaborate headdress. I relented to wearing everything else. The shoes I was wearing were made with a soft red fabric. Green turtles were stitched into the sides. The dress I was wearing was white with a red robe. The sash tied around my waist was also white but with red dragons stitched into it. It was the final piece to the whole ensemble. It was a gift, he had asked me to wear it.

We were out in the peach grove under all of the blossoming trees. I was in a palanquin, a light silk fabric screening my face from him. I came from just as much a royal family as he did. Surrounding me were twelve men. He was alone. We had only meant twice before and those times were only coincidences. He held out both hands. Folded over them was the sash. He said he would be honored if I wore it. How could I have refused him? It was probably the most beautiful gift I had ever been given. However, I should have known the intentions behind it, especially since it was coming from him.

It was only a few weeks after that, when I found myself sitting in my room surrounded by maids. They were all combing my hair, touching my skin, trying to decide how to paint my face. I turned to them and said, “Dress me how you want, but you must choose whether I wear the headdress or the sash. I will not wear both. I will not let others seal my fate when I am perfectly capable of deciding my future for myself.”

I was without the headdress, but the sash suddenly felt too tight. I wanted out of the Bridal Chair and into the open air. I wanted out from behind the curtains and the veil. Looking ahead I saw the palace doors open. Looking behind me, I watched them close. With the gates behind me and the crown prince somewhere in the palace in front of me, I knew the dragon sash tied around my waist had tied me to this occasion. I now had little to no part in my own future. I knew that whether I liked it or not, I was now bound to the crown prince and his future the moment I accepted the sash, something I never should have done.

Get ready ya’all.

I am so excited to announce, that I have been working hard at writing.

“What? Really? You write?”

Harhar. Yes. Yesterday. I wrote a whole chapbook (32 pages. Wooooow *hint of sarcasm*), and now am in the process of going through Lulu and self-publishing the little thing. It should be done and ready within a couple of weeks. I’m excited to show you guys the final product. I really hope you all like it. Little Sister is the only one who has read the whole thing, and Michigan Best Friend read part of it.

That’s the most exciting thing I’ve done.

Do I have anything else to talk about? Yes. Always. I’m slowly making my way through The Whispers of the Fallen. I am loving it so much. I’m actually surprised I haven’t finished it yet. I did finish milk and honey by Rupi Kaur. It was so beautiful. (I would like to let everyone know, I just spelled beautiful as butiful. *face palm*) I want to reread it again, but I won’t so soon. I should be putting a review up soon. Maybe I can get someone else to review it too. Hehe. Anyway, be on the look out for that.

**Just had a thought** Why is it, that when I start picking up the pace in writing and reading I lack in Chinese? or vice versa? What is this? Why can’t I just do everything and have a nice productive life? ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

Ooh! Yesterday, I went shopping, and came home with more clothes than I need. The thought of having to leave some home when I go back to college hurts my heart. I’m so emotionally attached to everything wear. I’m excited about these new clothes though, because I’ve been trying to adjust my style to look like more of the K-Pop trends. I think I did really well with that yesterday. I went to Walmart, Plato’s Closet, Maurices, and Barnes N Noble.

“Barnes N Noble? You can’t get clothes there.” No, you’re right. I can’t, but I did get a cute planner. I love it to pieces already. It’s cute and colorful with different shades of pink and red on it. I’m excited for the semester to start so that I can use the planner to its fullest.

Alright. That’s as much of an update (updete… that’s what I almost put.) as I think is necessary right now. Not unless you all really want to know about me going to the beach on Thursday? Friday? (I don’t remember.) and getting an iPad on Saturday, and how I’ll be going to the beach again tomorrow. (Now you know, and I probably already told you most of that stuff.)

See, my goodbyes and endings to these can’t possible get more awkward.

Fighting! Good luck! 加油!