Story Time – I actually have no title for this at the current moment. I’m open to suggestions.

He walked across the stage, flowers held out to me. At least, he did in my dreams. In real life, he didn’t even know my name. If he did, I have never heard him say it out loud. He just roams the halls. Like every clichéd love story you read in books, I am living it. I am living the stupid high school romance. For this reason, I’m still holding out for him to end up being some sort of vampire hunter or to one day roll in on a motorcycle in a leather jacket. However, we are graduating in seven days, walking across the stage to grab our diplomas. We’ll throw our hats in the air and probably never see each other again. I mean, they’ll probably all see each other again. I won’t see anyone, because I’m currently in an arranged marriage with the god of an icy underworld. Can you imagine? I’m living every teenage romance, but I’m also living every horror fantasy. Demons? Check. Pits of fire? They burn like hell (which makes sense since I’m in hell). Sexy hot captain of a football team? Yeah. *Inserts like a million emojis with the heart eyes* (Man, I’ve got it bad.) Jealous god of an underworld? Half check. (He won’t admit he’s jealous.) Ditzy best friend? I have one and I am one. Although the girl I’m the ditzy best friend for is actually living the most normal life I could imagine. (Heck, it’s probably what you’re living right now.) A thousand lies so my parents won’t find out? That probably would have made things easier, but how do you think I ended up in the arranged marriage? 

Look, my life is a mess, and I’m only just starting. I live a mix of the Incredibles and Sky High. Both of them are movies I grew up thinking were real, only to discover that they’re not, and my family is just one huge oxymoronic conglomeration of right and wrong in a world of normal, simple, beings. 

My mom is practically an angel. I’m convinced she is, but her marriage to my dad is what made her lose her wings. She won’t admit to anything, but one look at her and you would swear there’s a halo glowing around her head. (She also might just get her hair highlighted to look like that. Not that I’ve ever seen her go into a salon though.) Then there’s my dad. I don’t know what he is or was, but he had some major roll to play in the underworld, and now I’m engaged to the king of it. Last but not least is my sister, and she’s the purest thing on the planet, duh! (I say this in the most sarcastic way because my parents just cannot see the little eight year old brat sinning. I promise I saw her drown a guinea pig in our bathtub once only to bring it back to life and repeat the process.)

I know. You’re just thinking that I’m the most normal child in my family, and that I was unluckily born without powers which is why they dote on my sister. Ha! I wish that were the case. Maybe then I could get out of the marriage. But, no. I have it worse out of all of us. My dad is bad, and my sister is horrible, but I’m a complete monster. 

——

“Could you be any more or less cryptic about your plans for this weekend?” Ismere looked at me. (She’s the ditzy best friend. Which, I really only allowed her to become my friend because of her name. Because, of course, my life is a book, so her name has to be weird.)

“Yes.” 

“Eli.” (That’s me. Eli is short for Eliza which is short for Elizabeth.) She shifted her hips and rested her weight on her right leg. “More? Less? Which one?”

“I thought by saying ‘yes’ it was obvious.” Her expression remained blank. “More. Ismere, I can be more vague and cryptic.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Of course.” She turned and slammed the locker closed.

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夕阳 – Sunset

夕阳落,红彤彤

红太阳粉天空。

云彩似火光櫈

雨后天边挂彩虹*。

Translation:

The sun falls, glowing red.

Red sun, Pink Sky.

The clouds like fire glow

After the rain everything is peaceful*.

*彩虹 means rainbow. I wanted to say it was all peaceful, however, to make it rhyme, my professor changed it to rainbow to make a peaceful setting without actually saying it.

Genie Pendant

She is the type of girl who puts feathers and flowers in between the leaves of her Bible. Her own skin is ink pressed and crinkled with age. A cigarette hangs between her calloused fingers. Girl or woman, I can’t tell the difference. Her body shows signs of age, but the way she talks is as if she’s back in middle school experiencing her first love.

She is the type of girl who knows she is dirt, but “start dust” is what she calls herself. She will smile and show her crooked, nicotine, yellow stained teeth. Although, nothing about her shines gold. Actually, she is rather bronze. Maybe back in the day she wore a gold medal, but I can’t tell. To me she is more like a sticky penny from 1988. 

She is the type of girl who sits on a whicker basket behind a blanket full of timeless wares. She clasps a necklace around me, and tells me that the pendant was once home to a genie. For a second I think she is the genie. She tells me stories about all of these things, wounds from her past, that she is avidly trying to get rid of. 

She is the type of girl who bled gold once, but it tarnished overtime as she slowly forgot her worth, and here she is trying to earn it back; and here I am, dragging knives across my skin, paying in blood, creating wounds, that I too will sell in the future.

At least I get a genie pendant out of it. 

Quick Tip 6

Avoid starting sentences with “there is” and “there are.”

It sucks the life out of the sentences and puts your reader to sleep.” – Professor Gogan.

Ex: 

WRONG: There is a church that sits beneath a gran old cottonwood down by the river.

RIGHT: A church sits beneath a gran old cottonwood down by the river.

Penuel

Penuel is the name of the floor I live on in my dorm. It is also the name of the mountain where Jacob wrestled with God. The name Penuel means “Face of God.” Jacob named the mountain that because it is where he saw the face of God and was spared.

Why do I mention this? Because I keep fighting God at every turn. You remember that last post? Yeah… I’m still telling God no. I’m much more reluctant about it, but no is still no, and God is still expecting a yes.

Just recently I am beginnnig to fully understand how much of a superiority complex I have. Before you roll your eyes or sarcastically gasp, let me clarify, I have always know I’ve had a superiority complex. I know I’m pridefull, and I know I think I’m better than everyone. That doesn’t go unnoticed by me. I just didn’t realize how deep that complex went until I looked around one of my classes and thought that everyone there was stupid and I was better than them.

God has been telling me to seek Him. All I have been doing, and quite frankly, want to do, is seek out my own gain.

Recently my chaplain said:

We have to surrender the surrender.

That hurts. I feel like the one thing I still have control of is what I give and what I don’t give to God. All the while God is holding out his plate asking for more of the pie I cooked. I’m running low and I’m not happy. I want to keep hold of something, or at least I want something in return. So often I feel like I seek God and I seek God and I seek God and I seek God and I seek God and I… the process of seeking goes on forever.

“God, I’ve been in the prayer tower every day! I’ve been seeking you! I’ve been quoting scripture and living in your throne room! Where is my reward for my faithfulness? Why haven’t I seen your faithfulness?” And all I hear in return is, “Seek me, it’s coming.”

What the heck does that mean! I’ve been seeking God. I’ve been on my knees. I’ve been raising my hands and dancing as an act of worship. What more can I do.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes; fear the Lord, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

~ Proverbs 3:5-8

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.

~ Matthew 6:33

Delight theyself also in the Lord and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him and he shall bring it to pass.

~ Psalm 37:4-5

They kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven.

~ Matthew 6:10

I listened to a message by Steven Furtick tonight and he said, “Trust and time are inseparable because trust takes time.”

Seek God. Trust God. Do it again. Seek God. Trust God. Repeat. It’s a lifestyle that doesn’t end. Trust in the Lord and He will direct your paths. Seek His kingdom and all things will be added unto you. Delight yourself in Him and He will give you the desires of you heart. Seek His will not your own.

Do you know how hard that is? That means catching yourself in every decision and trusting that God is leading you and guiding you. That is knowing that you can’t but God can. You can do all things through God who gives you strength, and all things are possible with God.

So often I ask myself, “Elizabeth, are you in God and are you with God?”

All I have to do to answer that question is look at the outcome of my situations.

I am such a prideful human being. But I have to understand that I can’t live off of the confidence I have in myself. My confidence needs to reside in the goodness of the Lord.

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

~ Psalm 27:13NIV

Where is your confidence?

I know, I’m probably speaking to the choir, but this is everything I’ve needed to hear, and I’m still hearing. Now it’s just a matter of listening, getting it through my thick skull, and acting on it. As hard as everything is, and as tired as I am getting, both mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, all I know to do right now is to keep seeking God and trusting Him. There is nothing better I can do. I have seen His faithfulness before, and I will see it again. I know my God. He is my Daddy.

Ask and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Of if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

~ Matthew 7:7-11

When you don’t know what to do, do what you know. I heard an old youth pastor of mine say that before. Right now, I know how to wake up, go to class, eat food, and enter into the prayer tower. It is a monotonous routine, but I know my God is not boring, and I will see Him in the land of the living. There are no shortcuts. He is not going to take me around the Red sea through the land of the Philistines. Rather, He will split the sea, so I can walk right throught it. My God is faithful, and I will see Him on Penuel in the land of the living.

Therefore, I will remain confident, not in myself, not in my ability, but in fact that when I am weak He is strong.